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Thursday 5th August 2010 Had a horrible night last night, was woken up by Maj demanding three times instead of the normal two. But each time she'd feed for five minutes then start snoozing! This morning after her 8am feed she wouldn't settle, DH put her in her cot and gave her a dummy hoping it'd settle her so that I could get some sleep. After five minutes the dummy was spat out and the crying begun. So I let her cry for five minutes and she stopped. Then she cried for another five minutes and stopped....then silence. It worked! I'd never really tried the 'let them cry' thing, as I thought it'd be horrible for them. But I read it in a settling book, newborns have trouble getting themselves to sleep which is why they start to cry. So it helps them if they can wear themselves out with a little crying. The book said to only let newborns cry for five minutes before going to them as you don't want them to use their energy and then loose weight. I feel like a bad mother for doing that. But I needed some sleep! I was going to DH's work today in the city for an outing. It's such a stressful time trying to get myself ready, pack the baby bag, make sure she's fed and changed. I have to achieve all this between her crying as she won't stop unless she's in my arms. So the whole process takes about two hours. I had 15 minutes until I had to leave to walk to the train. Just enough time for a nappy change. I opened her jumpsuit and immediately saw yellow slope on her inside leg. I took the nappy off and was faced with the worst yellow, liquid, diarreah I have ever seem. It was everywhere, there was no wiping it off with a cloth. So I had to give her a bath. Needless to say I missed the train. Later that day I put her down in her bassinett but she started crying. I was trying to get some stuff done around the house so I thought I'd give the dummy a go. I reached into her bassinett and somehow my fingernail met her forehead and I took off a layer of skin. She immediately started bawling and it was the first time that she's produced real tears. It was so shocking for me, that I had hurt her so much, that I nearly started crying. Her poor little face. It was terrible. So once again I'm a bad mother. But I've now cut off all my finger nails. On a brighter note, I went to C&YH yesterday and she's put on 651 grams in 9 days, now weighing 3.18! Huge weight gain. I knew last week that she must've been having a growth spurt as she was more unsettled than normal and wanting to feed all day. This week she's been sleeping a bit more like she did in the first few weeks. Wednesday 11th August Had our six week checkup with the GP today. It's actually seven weeks but that doesn't matter. I gave Majandra a quick feed right before I left so that she'd be nice and settled at the doctor. As I was putting her in the baby carrier she chocked on her spill. This send her into a crying frenzy which lasted most of the car trip and the hour that I was in the doctors room. The doctor gave me a quick checkup and everything was fine. She'd taken some blood to do another liver function test and they came back as being normal. So the Cholestasis has disappeared, only to probably rear it's ugly head next pregnancy. The GP checked Majandra's eyes, listened to her heart and checked her joints. Everything was fine. She asked me if Majandra was smiling yet and following us with her eyes. She hasn't done either of this yet, but it shouldn't be much longer. Because she was early her development is only at four weeks, not seven. On the way home (with more crying) I called into C&YH for another weigh. She's now 3.29kg, so she's put on about 110 grams which is about normal. Lost the plot this afternoon as she wouldn't stop crying. She only slept for about two hours between bouts of crying. By 5pm I was exhausted as she'd been awake and unsettled since 3pm. Nothing I did would calm her down and she wouldn't sleep. I put her in the baby carrier for the first time and had to give her the dummy to stop her crying. She then relaxed a bit and settled down. That was until DH rang at 5.40 and this roused her and she started crying again! When DH came home at 6.30pm I was feeding her and after that she finaly succumbed to tiredness and quietly settled on my shoulder. She ended up going to sleep in her bassinett at 7pm. So once again I felt that there was no evidence that she had been crying all day. I'm paranoid that DH thinks that I'm making it all up as she's never very unsettled when he's around. He will never go through what I go through for 11 hours by myself everyday. No wonder I had a mini melt down today. The bouts of crying are often too much to handle on my own. I don't know how much longer I can cope. Sunday 22nd August What a horrid day. My sister is over from Melbourne for the weekend as we celebrated Dad's 70th birthday last night at Windy Point restaurant. Kerrie rang and said she wanted to go shopping and would be at our house shortly. I went to my wardrobe to find something to wear and only found that all my jeans and tops no longer fit. I've still been wearing my old maternity clothes around the house, but they're starting to make me look like I'm wearing a sack as they're way too big. However, my stomach definately hasn't bounced back to it's prepregnancy size and I don't think it ever will. So everything I tried on today enhanced the rolls of blubber. So that sent me into a tizz and upset me about my body image. So I just had to wear my maternity pants and the only top that still fits. So we went shopping and I bought a new pair of jeans that the salesperson said fit me well, but all they seemed to do was squash the blubber and send it upward over the top of the jeans. I also got a top and a cardigan thing that make me look about fifty years old, definately not my style at all. So that didn't add to my mood. It was arranged last night that we'd go to the movies today. But I'd need a baby sitter, so I hinted to my Dad on the way home in the car thatn I'd like one. As we arrived home, DH said to my father "Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow with us" and of course he said yes. So who was going to babysite Majandra.....me obviously. So we get home from the shops today and it was time for all of them to go to the movies. No one, or should I say DH, seems to care that I have to stay home with the baby. Me, who stays home with her for 12 hours every single day on my own and never gets to go anywhere. It's okay for him who gets to go to work and socialise all day. He even goes to the pub for lunch with friends. What do I do for lunch? Well I might heat a tin of soup, stand at the kitchen bench and galp it down as quick as I can before the baby starts to scream again. Can you see why I'm angry and upset. To top it all off it's 5pm, arsenic hour when Majandra won't settle. So she's screaming, then the dog steps in her own turd and tramples it into the carpet. So I'm trying to clean that up, Majandra is screaming and DH rings to see if I want dinner later! I look up the run time for the movie and it's three hours, so they won't even be home until 8.30. And I'm meant to wait until then for dinner? HUMPH! Wednesday 25th August Went to see my GP today. C&YH have written me two referring letters about her not settling and feeding. I agree that she's been hard to settle, but I believe she's feeding fine. So they wanted me to see the GP to get some tablets to increase my supply. I told the doctor straight out that C&YH are exaggerating and I'm not taking the tablets. She agreed with me and said that the tablets aren't the answer. I weighted Majandra today and she'd gained over 200 grams this week. So bollocks about her not gaining weight. The other issue was reflux, so the doctor has given me a script for something to help with the constant spilling. Hopefully that helps. On the way home I called into Centrelink to drop off some documents for the baby bonus. I was dreading going in there, but luckily for me I was in and out. I'm finding the baby car capsule is slowly causing my spine to break. It's so heavy! I need to find a better option of carrying her around. Friday 3rd September Even though Child and Youth Health think that Majandra isn't growing much, she's finally grown out of the suit that we brought her home in. It's the first suit that no longer fits and will be packed away. Over the past week or so I have a nice routine going. She'll normally wake up around 6 - 6.30am for a feed. After that we put her straight back to bed and she'll go to sleep with no problem. I'll go back to sleep as well and normally get up at 9 - 9.30am. Somehow I can normally wake up in time to scoff some breakfast before she starts crying. I then feed her and we have 45 minutes of nappy free time and tummy time where she lays on her play mat and looks at the toys above her. Nappy free time normally ends in spills from the top end and wee from down below. So I always have to have her on a few cloths. When I see that she's yawning and starting to get a bit grizzly I put her nappy back on and give her a top up feed. This makes her a bit drowsey and I'm able to get her back to sleep with a dummy and a bit of rocking in her bassinett. She'll then sleep for 2 - 3 hours. We then repeat this process. Her next wake up time is normally around 5pm. This is generally when she gets upset for no reason and will cry and be unsettled until DH comes home at 6.40pm. Dinner is always a trying time. I normally have to make it when DH comes home. So we don't get to eat it until 8pm on most nights. It always inevitably goes cold as Majandra is still unsettled. DH has to eat it with one hand while she lays over his shoulder. She eventually goes to sleep on his shoulder and we put her to bed. We are then awake every 3 - 4 hours as she wakes during the night. I'm happy that I finallly have a routine established. It was so hard in the early days when I didn't know how to get her to sleep and was tearing my hair out. Thursday 9th September Had an amazing sleep last night and feel 100 percent better. I've been overdoing it a bit this week. On Monday I had C&YH mothers group, Tuesday was Aust Breastfeeding Assoc mothers group and yesterday I went to the city for lunch with DH. So I was feeling exhausted and had a headache for three days. So last night I went to bed at 8.45pm and got up this morning at 9am. I woke up at 2.30am, 6.10am and 7.45am for feeds, but I feel good today. Went to C&YH AGAIN to see the nurses about her weight. She's now exactly 3.8kg and gained 120grams in 8 days. The nurse (a different one this time) was happy with her weight and says that she is just little. She even said that Majandra looked like a little doll. She told me that from birth until three months, they put on an average of 150 grams a week. From three to six months it's 100 grams and then from six to twelve months it's 50 grams. So at least I now have some idea. I have to go and see them again in two weeks to get her checked again. Tuesday 14th September Okay, well I'm absolutely stuffed again after my mothers groups for two days in a row. Yesterday I got up at 7am to allow myself ample time to get ready to go to C&YH mothers group. Majandra had a later than normal feed at 4.30am, so would be due to wake up when I needed to get ready. So I had no choice but to get up even earlier to get ready. As usual Majandra vomitted and cried thoughout the two hours. I really don't know what they think of her. I'm still not really geling with any of the girls there. They're all so loud and some of them need to get a grip as they seem so stuck up. I was stuck next to one of them today that wouldn't even look at me, but I saw her looking at Majandra out of the corner of her eye during one of Maj's projectile vomits. Humph, watch it lady or I might turn Majandra to face your direction! Anyway, the topic for discussion was introducing solids. The nurse said that our babies will probably start looking for food around four months, even thought the WHO says to breastfeed until six months. She said that when they start making signs then give them the baby cereal and then mashed vegies and fruit. I was a bit taken aback by this as my plan was to breast feed until at least six months, but hopefully twelve. So I was left wondering where breastfeeding fitted in and a bit sad that Majandra will probably be off the boob sooner than I expected. Today was the ABA meeting. It's good getting to know these mothers as I'm more insync with these guys than the ones from the C&YH group. They're more down to earth and believe in breast feeding AND cloth nappies!!! I brought up the subject of starting solids. The councellor said that a baby may show early signs of wanting solids, but their insides probably wouldn't be ready. She said that breastfeeding should be their main source of food until tweleve months. You can give them solids around six months if they are ready, but the solids are going to be more of a tactile play thing for them for a while. This made a lot more sense to me and I'm now happy that my breastfeeding will continue. I was speaking to one of the other mums as we were packing up and she said she was off to an baby massage course. I told her I have been wanting to do it and she said that she thought there were still spaces free in the class that was starting in an hour. I was a bit hesitent as Majandra had been awake since 8am and would be super cranky soon. But I went alone and Majandra was fine. It was a lot of fun and there was another mum there that had been at the ABA meeting last week. It's beginning to turn into a small world. The class is running for another three weeks. So I'm now sitting here typing with bleary eyes. Hopefully I can get to bed by 9pm tonight as DH has arranged for me to go to the city tomorrow to have lunch with friends. I don't think he understands how tired I am at the moment. Wednesday 6th October Wow, it's been so long since I've updated this blog. Somehow time is flying. My weeks have been pretty jam packed lately. I have the C&YH mothers group on Mondays, then on Tuesdays I normally have an ABA meeting and then go to baby massage. After the massage class we all hang around to have lunch at the church cafe and we stay there chatting until they close at 3pm. Our class finished this week, but we've arranged to meet up every fortnight. I really like that group of girls, so I'm glad that we're continuing to meet up. My C&YH mums group has also finished up, but we are going to continue to meet up as well. I've still been going to C&YH every week about her ongoing weight issue. It's starting to become such a drag. Last week she only gained 90 grams, which was a bit odd. I thought that it may be because I was out nearly every day and may have been missing some feeds. The nurse last week said that 'something will need to be done if she doesn't gain 150 grams in the next week' and was talking about formula top ups. This upset me and had me stressing out all week, which didn't help the situation. I went there again today and she'd gain exactly 150 grams. So this nurse was happy with that and as long as it continued like this and didn't drop then it'd all be good. She now weighs 4.16 kgs and is 54cms long. About two weeks ago she went up a size in her clothes and is now in 4 x 0's. We've been battling cradle cap over the past two weeks as well. She's always had it a bit around her eyebrows, but it started to appear on her head. The hair has fallen out on both sides on the top of her head. She looks like an old man. I smothered her head with oil twice a day for two days and it has dried it up and has flaked off by itself. It did get a bit red (even before I put the oil on), but a nurse at C&YH said to but sorbolene on it. It seemed to have done the job. I'm just sad that her beautiful hair has fallen out. Majandra is laughing all the time now. I was feeding her this morning and she'd closed her eyes and was falling asleep. Next thing this huge grin comes across her face and she starts laughing! It was quite funny as she still had her eyes closed, so I don't know what she was laughing at. During baby massage yesterday everyone was commenting on how much she loved the massage as she was laying there grinning and giggling. On the weekend DH was holding her in the backyard whilst I ran around with Lucy our puppy. Majandra was watching us and gave the biggest laugh yet. It was gorgeous. She's so alert now, always boggling around and watching things. She loves watching everyone talk at the mothers groups. Tuesday 12th October Majandra rolled today! She was laying on her playmat and I suddenly saw her roll onto her left side and back again. She did it about three more times after that. It was very exciting to see as it's another new development. I've been sick with the flu since Saturday. I've been getting a temperature every afternoon with rockets up to 39 degrees. Last night I woke up twice dripping in sweat over my whole body. I had to wipe myself dry. It's such a struggle having to get up every few hours during the night and be with her during the day. It's not giving my body a chance to recover. I'm also scared that she will catch it. I don't know what I'd do if she came down with a 39 degree fever. But I think she's okay as it's day four and she seems fine. I've been trying not to talk to her or breathe in her direction when I feed her. The poor thing probably wonders where her mama went. I've even got a croaky voice that doesn't sound like me. I miss interacting with her and getting those little smiles. Most of her 4 x 0's suits no longer fit. I've only had her in them for two or three weeks. She's getting so big now. Hopefully I'll be well enough to go to C&YH for a weigh and measure on Thursday, I bet that she's grown a centremetre since last week. Tuesday 26th October Another Majandra development that has only just occured over the last two days, hand clasping. She's now discovering her hands. A week ago I also dug out a pair of wooden toy maracas that my sister gave me when she was born. Majandra can grasp them when I put them in her hands. She'll hold onto them for quite a while, until she hits herself in the head with them or just lets go. We've been taking her out a bit in her sun hat and pink UV glasses that we got for the Cancer Council shop, she looks very cute. She was weighed again on 14th October and was 4.49kg, she'd gained 180 grams in a week, so they were happy with that...for a change. Whilst I was there she did a green coloured poo. The nurse asked if I'd eated curry or something the night before. I had a packet Indian meal that wasn't at all spicey. But the nurse said that it was probably it. I bought a Bumbo for $49 off Ebay, I'm not sure how much use I'll get from it. It was more an impulse buy as everyone at Mothers group was talking about them the other day. I took it outside yesterday so Majandra could sit on the grass in the shade whilst I played with the dog. She had her four month vaccinations last week on the 20th. I had heard that these ones are horrible, but she was fine. She screamed down the place for about five minutes afterwards and then just slept. She wasn't cranky and crying hours later like she was at the two month ones. Sunday 7th November Majandra has a new nickname, Miss Have a Chat. So has been making so much noise when she's laying on her playtime. I think it must be that she is surrounded by four or five people. She's been very alert and is always smiling. They say that the fourth month is the month of smiles. We just have to make eye contact with her and she smiles. It's nice when she wakes up from a nap and sees us peering into her bassinett. Her whole face lights up with a smile. Tuesday 9th November After being in Victoria for the last few days, Majandra has returned home with a very nasty case of nappy rash. Her bum is extremely red, with big red welts and pimply type patches. I'd washed her nappies whilst I was away and the washing machine was atrocious and the nappies came out as stinky as they went in. So I'm not sure if the nappy rash came because the nappies weren't clean enough or if there was residue of my sisters washing powder in the machine. I'm guessing is that it was because Majandra was cooped up in the car capsule for long periods, with no airflow etc. So today I gave her a bath in the hope that it would clear it up. During the past few weeks she has being gaining her strength. During nappy free time on her play mat she loves to raise her legs and them thump them down onto the floor. She decided to do this during the entire bath today and there was water flying everywhere. I think that bathtime is going to be interesting from now on. Whilst I prepared tea this evening I sat her in the bumbo on the kitchen floor. She loves watching me walk around the kitchen and was turning her next to look at me as I got things out of the freezer. She seemed to enjoy watching the freezer door opening and closing. Lucy seemed to enjoy all the free Majandra licks seeing that Majandra was on floor level. Thursday 11th November Another exciting development - hanging onto her toes! While I was changing Majandra on the changetable she had her legs in the air and grabbed her toes with her hands! Also she has started to sleep through the night. Over the past months she would go to be around 9pm, then would be up around 2 or 3pm and then again at around 7pm. She then progressed to waking up around 4pm each night and now she will sleep through from 10 - 6pm. It's great! We normally wake her up at 10pm for a quick feed before we go to bed. Because I'm getting a big 8 hour unbroken sleep, I've noticed that I've started to have dreams again. I didn't realise before that I hadn't dreamt for months. I'm beginning to feel a bit normal again in the sleep department, not that it was ever very bad. Some girls at my mums group are still up with there babies every two hours during the night and the babies won't sleep at all during the day. I don't know how the mums or the babies are surviving on no sleep. The girls think that Majandra is always so calm and placid. They wanted to know this week if they could swap. I tell them that Majandra has two lots of three hour sleeps during the day and there amazed. Saturday 13th November We managed to sleep in until 10.10am this morning. It's the latest that I have slept in five months! I took Majandra to the city yesterday and she was so busy boggling around all day that she didn't sleep for seven hours! So that is why she had a big sleep in this morning. She's always hanging onto her toes now, she does it all the time at changetime and also in the pram. So cute. Friday 22nd November We've had a few days of 35 degress, so we thought that it would be night to take Lucy and Majandra to see the beach for the first time. We went down to Port Noarlunga so that we could have Lucy off the leash. Lucy wouldn't have a bar of the ocean. She got her legs wet and then retreated and wouldn't go back in. We went in up to our knees and held Majandra. She'd jump when the waves came crashing down, she was scared of the sound. We didn't stay long as we got dark quickly, but it was a nice little outing with the whole family and it was good for our two little daughters to both have a new experience. Majandra has been sleeping in just a singlet and a nappy most nights. We've also put her in just a sleeping bag, so that her arms are out and uncovered. But the sleeping bag will help her not to roll. The heat hasn't affected her at all. I've been the one that has been complaining. For some reason I can no longer handle the heat, it must be due to all the excess blubber that I'm now carrying. We stopped at the chemist to get some antifungal nappy rash cream. I read about it on the internet and thought I'd give it a go. She has also started to constantly roll from her back to her front. It's been scaring her today, I don't think she knows what is going on and once she's on her front she starts crying. One of her arms is normally pinned under her and she can't move it. Thursday 19th November I was feeding Majandra this morning when she suddenly stopped and rolled onto her back. She had a look on her face like she was straining herself. Then her whole upper body was moving as she was straining. I knew what was about to happen and a few seconds later a giant squealch from her rear end. It was hilarious to see her straining to get it out. Thursday 21st November Whilst feeding Majandra today she has been grabbing and pulling her ears through the whole feed. I think she's just discovered her ears for the first time. Wednesday 24th November We had Majandra in her swing in the lounge today whilst we watched TV. I noticed that instead of leaning back in her chair she was sitting more upright by herself. Thursday 25th November I had to go to C&YH today for Majandras now monthly weigh. She's now 5.33 kgs, which is up 500 grams in four weeks. She's finally reached the 3rd percentile for weight, not that I give two hoots about their bottle feed baby percentile chart! She's 57cm lont, which is an increase of 2cms. What a beast! They are still happy with her gain and I'm to go back in one month. They also said that I should start solids at six months, which will be next month. Even though she was a bit early, they said that it's recommended that babies start solids at four months to reduce allergies, so I shouldn't wait any longer. WHO still says six months, so that's what I will go with. Tuesday 30th November I went to my massage mums group today. We're now having it at one of the mums houses. One of the mums commented that Majandra was looking really different. I thought it was just because she's a little porker now with all her fat rolls. A few minutes later it dawned on the mum that it was because Majandra has more hair. It was funny that she said that as this morning I had her outside in the garden and noticed the very same thing. It has really thickened up on top. Thursday 9th December 2010 Yesterday I went to a Mums and Bubs fitness session that is being run at one of the churches at Blackwood. It was a 45 minute class run by a personal trainer. There were seven mums there. Three of them were from my C&YH group and three of them I didn't know. We did a lot of push ups and core work. We lay on the floor and used our babies as weights by lifting them above our heads. Majandra loved it and was smiling and doing her new little high pitched squeal noise. So cute. Today I'm in so much pain, my arms back and stomach are so sore. It's going to be $15 a session, which seems a bit pricey. But I think that it will be worth it. Yes, the high pitched squeal is new. She first started to do it when we were at DH's parents last Sunday. They were playing with her and she did it a couple of times. She's done it today as well. It's so adorable. I'm still battling the nappy rash. I now have five different creams and have tried them all and also tried some disposables nappies. It's cleared up a tiny bit, but it is still very red. I've used the antifungal cream in the past week and it hasn't really helped. I might start trying another one of the creams for one week. You can't leave Majandra on the floor anymore without her rolling from her back to her front. Shes really good at it now and her arms no longer get trapped under her body. She doesn't normally roll back though, so after a while of being on her front she will get cranky and I have to roll her onto her back again. Five seconds later she'll have rolled to her front again. So I have to always sit with her so that I can roll her back again. It's a bit annoying. She can lift her head up really well when she's on her tummy Thursday 16th December What a noisey little baby I have. She's discovered that if she opens her mouth she can make endless, high pitched squealing noises. Previously she's been just doing grunting noises with her mouth closed. Over the past week she's been doing the odd high pitched noise when she gets excited. But now she just lays there making her new noises. I think that she loves hearing the sound of her own voice. She was quite crank today. She slept from 11pm - 8.30am last night. She would have slept longer but I had to wake her up at 8.30pm to take Lucy to get her desexing stitches out. She seemed very tired, she wouldn't stay awake wrong and was getting grizzly and started crying. Everything was going in her mouth (more than usual) and she was munching hard on everything. I picked up some teething gel from The Green Dispensery. They said that their teething gel is identical to the one that the Womens and Childrens Hospital makes (which is said to be the best). It has a numbing agent in it. So I dabbed a bit on her gums this afternoon before her evening snooze. She woke up a bit happier, but that could've been because she got to see her Dad....who knows! It's easy to blame unsettled periods on teething. But I just found it unusual as she's normally such a placid thing. 
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